My Butterfly Buddy Who May or May Not Be Our Late Dog Blue

First, I should let you know I am okay. Don’t worry.

I have written about this before.

To catch you up, I believe that our dog, Blue, who died in 2018, comes back to us in the form of a Monarch Butterfly.

In this silly, pain-filled, yet still beautiful world, why would one not believe this?

When Blue first died, he came back to me rather often. Butterflies would follow me down busy streets in Washington DC. They would dance around me in fields. They would come out of nowhere while I was having lunch outside in a cute little town I was visiting, and had never been to before.

Then, I did not see him for a long time.

Perhaps he had other things to do. I don’t know.

A few weeks ago, I was walking past our neighborhood garden. A butterfly dive-bombed me.

Oh, hello.

I smiled at him and kept walking. This could be any butterfly.

A few days later, the same.

And then again and again.

I started to look for the butterfly, changing my walking path so I could visit him.

Obviously, Blue has come back to be with me.

He seems changed. But I know it is him. It is kind of like when Gandalf the Grey comes back as Gandalf the White, for those of you who are Lord of the Rings fans. (If you are not, very succinctly, Gandalf the Grey is a wizard who dies, and when he comes back as Gandalf the White, he has even more wisdom and power.)

Anyway, maybe Blue also had some sort of exciting existential transformation and he couldn’t wait to show me. He had to share it with me.  I can’t explain what happened to Blue the Butterfly, why he was different, or why he was here, but he was. Trust me.

Why am I telling you about this? What does this have to do with revisionary gerontology, with my work in changing the culture of aging, dementia, and long-term care? What has this to do with honoring personhood? With seeing people for what is right with them?

I don’t know.

Maybe it has to do with everything.

I have been trying to say “I don’t know” more often. It is very freeing actually.

I don’t know…….

And, there is something very essential about this butterfly buddy of mine, who may or may not be Blue.

Maybe there is something essential about finding a small moment of joy.

Maybe there is something essential about seeing something in someone that you did not expect to see.

Maybe there is something essential in knowing something has changed, but is also the same.

Maybe it is something essential about stopping for a moment and just paying attention.

Maybe there is something essential about looking for something, for the smallest thing, that makes you feel good, like everything is all right with the world.

Maybe there is something essential about being reminded of beauty.

I don’t know why, but when I see the butterfly, it makes me think of other things too.

A person living in a nursing home sitting outside in the sunlight, taking a nap with a serene face.

I see a Zoom gallery of people living with dementia who are coming together to hear and see each other and support each other.

I see a person look at her wife, who lives with dementia, and say that she loves her more than ever, and that she is the best thing that ever happened to her.

I see one of my students telling me about her dreams of how she wants to make things better.

I see a nurse aide bringing her baby to meet the people she cares for in the senior living community where she works.

I see the hope of better systems to support people who live and work in long-term care.

I don’t know….

but I think this butterfly has everything to do with the work I do.

(Blue would of course know this. He was a rather smart dog.)

I do know that when I see my Butterfly Buddy who may or may not be our late dog Blue, something important happens.

Maybe it is like an opening in the world?